2016 - 18 year old Heidi finishes 3rd in the European Under 20 mountain running championships in Arco, Italy. A young healthy runner full of so much potential and so many dreams yet to fulfill. It was just the beginning...
2022 - 6 years on & 24 year old Heidi returns to Arco to support US Malonno MountainRunningTeamRace at Garda Trentino Trail & Malonno return home the trail running champions of Italy and Heidi returns home with a buzz inside
...
And now I'm back in Malonno trying to figure out what this buzz is. When you're an athlete who used to be able to compete against the best in the world sitting on the sideline and supporting when you're unable to run isn't always easy. I'll admit over the past year standing on the sidelines of races, I never really once felt comfortable in the environment. But something about this past weekend was different. Maybe it was the team atmosphere I felt within the Malonno team, a team I really feel like I belong to. A team I'm proud to be part of and includes and supports me even though right now I'm not competing - for this I am beyond grateful. Maybe it was the fact that we'd returned to Arco, a special place for me because of that championship in 2016. I remember that last sprint finish I made to take third place like it was yesterday. Whatever this buzz is, I feel like something has clicked inside me. I realise for sure now that the only person I've got anything to prove to is myself. I remember finishing in third place in 2016 and feeling proud of who I was and what I stood for and the hard work and determination it had taken to get me there and now finally after the past 6 years literally now as I'm writing this I realise what this buzz I feel is... I realise that despite everything I'm proud of the person I am today. This is a buzz of self acceptance. I accept myself for who I am at this moment. I'm proud of my 18 year old self for earning that bronze medal in 2016 and I'm proud of myself for standing on the sidelines on Saturday and enjoying the special day with the Malonno team and feeling part of something.
I finally accept the journey I've been on over these past few years. The ups and the downs, the stress fractures, the frustrations, the injuries the mistakes I've made are all part of me and have shaped me into this person I am today. In 2016 Heidi was a happy care free runner without the weight of the world on her shoulders, she didn't care about THE WEIGHT full stop. And finally 2022 we've come full circle. I could say that one day I'll make 18 year old Heidi proud and run again against the best in the world in a healthy and sustainable way... But to be honest I think the girl I am today would make 18 year old Heidi proud... because I realise I'm so much more than just a runner or someone who used to be able to run fast and win races. I run when I can because it makes me happy and makes me feel free. 18 year old Heidi was a good runner because she always ran with a smile on her face and she didn't care about what other people thought... That was her strength. She was proud of who she was. She was full of self acceptance... Maybe this buzz is the beginning of her return.
