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Sunday, 23 February 2020

What do I want to say?

It's quite often like this. I often feel the need to write something. For those that know me; you'll know that I'm a quiet person. I don't say much. I don't really feel the need to talk lots. Instead - inside my head is where it all happens. I'm always thinking, feeling, dreaming. Sometimes I have to write things down to really understand what it is that's going on. This explosion of words on paper has always been a journey of self discovery to uncover my layers. I guess I could say it's part of who I am.


I'm not really sure where this is going but hang in there with me and let's see if I can make something of this. I'm currently sat at my kitchen table typing away - belly full after creating some kind of aubergine lasagna for dinner alongside a big hearty salad and some freshly baked bread. I'm feeling content. I'm feeling free. I can't get enough of this simple life. Seven months ago - I packed my bags and started off on my summer adventure in the mountains. Now seven months on - I'm living alone in the place that I am so lucky to now call my home; Malonno, Italy.

I'm 22 years old and I'm living alone in a foreign country where my language skills aren't great. Wouldn't you think I'd be lonely? Wouldn't you think I'd get homesick? Well the answer is yes. Sometimes I do feel lonely. Sometimes I do get homesick and miss my family. Sometimes I long to wake up and be able to start the day around the breakfast table with my parents. Sometimes I'd do anything to be able to run to the top of Little Hill above Llandrindod Wells and feel the strong welsh wind caress my face and the bog in my shoes and be in a place that I know like the back of my hand. Of course I feel these things. My whole life has rearranged and everything has changed. But it's normal. It's normal to miss the past, the old you, the things that have happened, the childhood that makes you who you are. But isn't it so wonderful when you wake up one day and realise you are the person in charge of your life. Your life is a vast glowing empty page and you can make the story move in any direction you choose.

And so I'm living alone and I'm learning to grow up. I'm learning how to adult, even though sometimes I feel like adulting is soup... and I am a fork. I'm learning that you need to call yourself out on your own shit because there's no one there to do it for you. Mostly I'm going with the idea that nothing can stop me from building this magical, inspiring, invigorating life that I want to create for myself. I don't have to try to move mountains. I just have to breathe – in, out and be me. And I feel so full of gratitude to have this opportunity to build my life here, in Malonno - the home of mountain running. The place that first inspired me almost three years ago. To be able to hang out the kitchen window and watch the last rays of sunlight kiss the mountain tops before dusk. Alpine glow - has anyone ever told you how beautiful it is? You just wait until you see it with your own eyes.


I'm here because I long to be in a place where my dreams have the opportunity to run off the edges of the world. Here my dreams reach up to the tops of the mountains, up into the sky and touch the stars. Here I don't just feel the magic of Malonno... I feel my own.

I'm a firm believer that everything comes to you at the right moment. You just have to be patient, grateful and work hard for what you want. When I first started out running I couldn't of ever imagined the opportunities being involved in this sport have given me. In fact I still remember as a twelve year old qualifying to run for Wales for the first time at a cross country race in Ireland and being so full of excitement and enthusiasm for the opportunity to go to another country and represent my own. Fast forward almost ten years and I'm so humbled to be able to say I've just signed my first two-year contract with adidas TERREX and am joining the #oneteam alongside truly inspiring human beings. I'm beyond excited for this development in my running career and am so looking forward to where this journey will take me and the doors this will open. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself that all this is real. Needless to say I'm so full of inspiration and enthusiasm right now. The 2020 mountain running season is still just over two months away but I'm looking forward to heading to Fuerteventura next month for the adidas TERREX team training camp. I can't wait to meet all the other athletes and get this ball rolling. I feel like this really is the start of something wonderful. A huge you for adidas TERREX for this amazing opportunity and to the people that helped make it happen.


And so really what do I want to say with this rambling blog post? I guess what I want to say is - it's okay if you don't have it all figured out yet. Wherever you want to be, whatever dream it is that you want to come true, whatever you want to do with your life... You will get there. But right now, you are here. You are alive and you are breathing. You are dreaming and you are believing. Take it easy. Don't over complicate things. Live your simple life. You are free. How wonderful is that. 

there is strength
in waiting
courage
in silence
dreams
in depths
truths
in time

Until next time, 
Heidi x


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