"Fancy running another lap?"

(This short blog post is influenced by inov-8's latest article, "Get To Grips With Trail Running" which features some top tips from inov-8 ambassadors inspiring you to step off the road and out onto the trails )

I challenge you to run 1500m, 3000m, 5000m or even 10,000m around an athletics track - honestly, the distance doesn't matter. Just experience the monotony of becoming ever increasingly dizzy. Tick off the laps one by one until you reach the ringing bell and really push yourself towards the final time you cross that ever important white line that signifies the end. You're done. There's nowhere else to go. Stop your watch - check your splits. You ran pretty fast? That's great, well done! Pat yourself on the back and allow yourself to feel satisfied. Now reflect on this experience... what did you see along the way? What did you feel? Fancy running another lap?

running my own laps in 2016 // "Fancy running another lap?"

Wait, I'll answer that last question for you. No. You really don't want to run another step on that red synthetic material.

Open your eyes. Look past the track and the housing estate in the surrounding streets. Turn your back on the oval and cast your eyes out to the horizons. Out there somewhere is a hill or a trail and it's calling your name. A path not yet traveled is eagerly anticipating your silent arrival.

Maybe you're a little bit scared or anxious. Fear of the unknown is only natural I suppose. These trails may be outside your comfort zone - a whole world away from the predictable track or your familiar roads. But still, I urge you to embrace your fear and leave the tedious track behind. It will still be there if you ever feel the need to return.

I dare you to not become exhilarated by the endless trails reaching out in front of you. There's a whole world to explore. Just step off the track, off that road. We weren't born to just run in circles. Don't allow yourself to be limited. Hop over the gate. Open your arms out wide. Find your wings. Fly. Your trails are waiting. Go. You won't ever regret it. I know I don't.

So go on. Be brave. What are you waiting for?

Don't forget you can read some more top tips to inspire you to hit the trails from inov-8 ambassadors Ben Mounsey, Damian Hall, Ben Abdelnoor and Victoria Wilkinson here.

View this post on Instagram

. there are many things i miss but the freedom is the most of it

A post shared by Heidi Davies (@heididavies98) on Oct 28, 2018 at 2:05pm PDT

electricity

These days aren't so much about movement. It's the in-betweens. The stillness. Itchy feet and a running mind. It's days of dreams, words, lists, plans, brilliant sunshine and moody storm clouds. It's the slow satisfaction of recovery and the frustrating struggle of stillness. 

It's understanding you have all this energy inside you. All this electricity - probably enough to power a lightbulb or such like for a considerable amount of time. It's about deciding what you want to do with all this energy. Which lights you want to spark and glow. It's about seeing and getting excited about all the possibilities and not just feeling depressed over the problems. 

We're all here, stumbling around. Trying to figure out what we want to do with all this future. It's about realising, in reality, just like you - everyone else is just winging it too.

And so it's about becoming the journey - your journey. Maybe with some changes of directions, new paths, periods of rest and recovery along the way. But always moving - continually forward. Onwards. Your possibilities are endless. 

These days are about learning to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's about the understanding, revelations, growth, inspirations. 

This is life. You've got to live it. Like the network of wires providing the electricity to light our homes on these dark autumn nights; you've got to transform your energy into your own personal sparks - into your dreams. Growing them into realities. 

When you're on the right path, you'll feel the energy - you'll know.

So yeah just keep dreaming...

With love

Heidi x

the gentle constant rhythm

(This post is inspired by wet and wild October days at home in Mid Wales)

nine years old
back in school
pen to paper
scrawling stories
it was forbidden to end this way
i'm sorry teacher
now i cannot prevent
this unlikely turn of events

the gentle constant rhythm
raindrops
drumming on the window
an enchanting harmony
lulling me out of the door

the gentle constant rhythm
my feet
pitter patter
my hammering heart
allegro - the pace in my chest
 
a splash and a splosh
leaping oceans of puddles
the sea in my shoes
a stream
ebbing from my head
down to the very tip 
of my toes
dripping down my nose

red raw hands
sodden sticky clothes
a new layer of skin
where does the rain stop
and where do i begin

the gentle constant rhythm
a feeling
- blissfully alive

i'm sorry teacher
but for now this is true
there's nothing i can do

...
I woke up.
It was all a dream. 
...
The end.  

counting lengths, not days

I don't know how long ago I last went for a run. I'm not sure how many days it's been. A part of me finds this strange. Somehow without even trying, I've controlled and let go of the running obsessive person I am and I haven't measured how long it's been since I last put one foot in front of the other over and over. I could count and work it out but what would be the point really? A part of me doesn't actually want to know how many 24 hours has passed since I last did the thing I love. This not knowing means I'm just a little more free.

Yes, I'm once again injured. Maybe it's as bad... or maybe it's not as bad as this time last year… who knows. Just I'm not able to run at the moment. But you know, somehow it's actually kind of okay. It's not the end. I'm still me. The sun still shines. Life goes on. I'm still happy. And this is the most important thing.

Already I've forgotten what running actually feels like… the tired legs, the gasping for breath, the pure bliss found in this. The harmony in the connections between body and mind. I miss it. Of course I do.

Malonno 2018 - these are the good days

Taking a step back from running gives me a new perspective. I felt it last year and I feel it again now. Now. Perhaps more fully and with more understanding than ever before. There are other ways to fill the running shaped hole. Learning to love the in-betweens; appreciating where I am now. It's all part of the story. 

View this post on Instagram

🍁 holding onto the last drops of summer a new season is coming balancing lightly across the tightropes of time #dreamersdisease #midwalesmyway #newseason #autumn #findthelight

A post shared by Heidi Davies (@heididavies98) on Sep 23, 2018 at 11:34am PDT

And who knew it would take not running to understand how important self-love is. It's only now I've had to stop again that I'm faced with the easy truth; it's not so hard to accept - what's the point in being able to run fast if it's not sustainable? Strong foundations need to be built to survive the wildest storms. You need to give your body the strength to endure. It's a lesson I learnt last year. It's a lesson I accepted. It was a lesson I was ready to act upon. Nevertheless somehow it didn't happen. I got carried away with the dreams I had, the places I wanted to go and I didn't build the strong foundations I needed to endure. There's no one else I can blame but myself. It's not rocket science. But as so many athletes will know… it's so easy to get pulled along on the wave of trying to run fast, pushing your body too much and all too soon. It's only inevitable; pushing your body into the storm before the foundations are built will result in collapse. And so here we are again. Back to square one? Maybe, maybe not… Definitely back to giving my body what it wants and needs. I know now I can't not listen to my body. Foundations have to be built in order to sustain. Health is the most important thing.

So two autumns not being able to run. Not experiencing the crunch of leaves underfoot. Not seeing my exhalations creating dragons breath in the crisp morning air. Not feeling the change of the seasons on my skin as I run through the chilly autumn breeze in the golden sunlight. It hurts. Of course it hurts not being able to run. I feel it deeply. But what hurts most is the knowledge that I've done this to myself.  These autumn chapters are beginning to look kind of sedate but I'm grateful for the other chapters full of movement. It's the chapter of Malonno earlier this year that I hold especially dear to me now. I crave a life full of countless moving chapters. So I have to be sensible. I have to be mature and not so naive. I have to accept where I am and what I need to do to create these moving stories. Movement - without the breakage. That's the story I want to write. I know I hold my own pen.

A famous quote by Ernest Hemingway - “We're all broken; that's how the light gets in.” I'm learning to notice the little things. The moments and occasions where the light shines through. It all connects eventually; continually. A wander at sunset; watching the light of day fade away, slowly and then all at once. A smile and a kind word shared with a neighbour or a stranger in the street. A picnic. A road trip screaming along to Mamma Mia with your friends. A family meal. Homegrown parsnips, roasted to perfection. Laughter. A walk in the countryside with new people. Sharing dreams, sharing passions, sharing ideas: even from hundreds of miles away. The people that inspire you - the inspiration all around. Your favourite books. A simple sunrise - candy floss clouds. A cat's meow - the purr of comfort. The music you love and feel. The way you can just pick up your pen and let these thoughts escape you. The sky - so vast, full. Cooking with your Nan. The silence after rain. Helping a piano student grasp the concept of using all their fingers to dance across the keys of the instrument. All this, and more. Simple, yet significant. This is life. The mountains and the valleys are adventures alike.

something special about september sunsets

There are lessons interwoven through every part of life. I'm not counting the days since my last run. I'm feeling them. Somedays there's a whole ocean between where I am and where I want to be. Other days it's just a small stream, seemingly easy to cross with a small leap. Whatever happens I'm swimming through the challenge - staying afloat and enjoying the colourful fish I see on the journey. Because life is too short not to notice the things around you. I'm learning just to be where I am now. My dreams will wait. It's enough.

It's true… “don't count the days… make the days count”.

So observe the colourful fish… who knows when your eyes may just catch a glimpse of a rare mermaid.

With love and dreams,
Heidi xx

PS: I'd just like to say a big thank you to Justin & Judy at The Metropole Hotel here in Llandrindod Wells for their support and for the use of the Rock Spa pool facilities... I'm just going to keep swimming... counting lengths, not days

A letter to Malonno

Dear Malonno, 

These words I write to you will never be able to sum up your special place. Nestled deep in the valley between the high peaks. In the morning, waking to see the sun jumping up over the beautiful mountains on the horizon and looking out from the athletes hostel down onto the town where the magic happens. A feeling of returning. Warmth felt deep in my bones. This is where I'm meant to be. I am at home.

Malonno is Malonno. The emotions felt here are hard to explain. There are no words but I have to at least try.

Almost a year ago I first journeyed to Malonno. I remember the wonder and awe I felt being a spectator of the PizTri Vertical. The start of the show. The difficultly of just sitting in the grass without slipping down because of how brutally steep the final wall is up to the finish. The excitement of the fans building as the runners crawl their way up. This year I took the chance to be a part of the experience from the other side and raced the Vertical KM. The wall of noise from the fans is far greater than the difficult wall you face in the final metres. That is what pulls you forward and makes you push even harder when your body is doing nothing but screaming at you to stop. The spirit of Malonno holds the runners up; makes us greater and into something more than ourselves. Because without the fans there would be no show.

2017 FlettaTrail… crossing the line with tears in my eyes. I was nineteen and filled with nostalgia for my junior mountain running career finished just a few weeks before. I had never run over 18km before and the pain I felt during the race was immense. The spirit of Malonno pushed me through that pain and out onto the other side. FlettaTrail was the beginning of something opening within me. Malonno gave me courage. Because there are no limits to our dreams. 

FlettaTrail 2018... I don't think I can say anything to justify the emotions. To know that I was there and felt them is enough. Through the villages and along the mountain paths there was a flow I've never felt anything close to before. To try to find a meaning behind this journey would be pointless but I know the connections felt were true and real.

sometimes you just have to be still and let yourself feel

Malonno. PizTri Vertical. FlettaTrail. The people. The family. The fans. The spirit. The passion. The connections. The emotions. The dreams. The show.

Malonno. The home of mountain running. We were all there. We felt it. Thank you.

Alex… you said you trusted me with a key to the hostel. I'm sorry to admit at the end of our stay I forgot to give it back. I can only apologise but maybe this is a sign. A piece of Malonno will always be with me. I have the key. Ever since I first came to Malonno in 2017 I've had the key because Malonno has opened doors within me. It will always continue to do so. You told me and it is true; Malonno is my home. Now this key will stay with me until next year. Everyday I will remember. I will live the emotions once more.

the key to my dreams

Malonno… you have a hold on my heart forever...

Love, always
Heidi xx

P.S. Here's a few photo highlights... 

up up up (Justin Britton)

Francesco Puppi crosses the line to take victory once again at the PizTri Vertical

 

The British crew at the top of the PizTri

With Ben Mounsey & Tony Tamusin, the organiser of Tre Rifugi

Pre race announcements and run to the start line

Mid race sponge bath? Yes please! Multiple times over

Slapping hands at the finish with Fabrizio Lela.. one of the first friends I made in Malonno last year

top three women

The British crew (with some adopted Yorkshire members) & Fujio from Japan

Jack Woooooooooood (my favourite giant)

Thank you to everyone who made this year so special. You know who you are. Malonno 2019... I'm coming... 

Malonno is Malonno. There are no words. Grazie mille @flettatrail see you next year ❤️ #flettatrail #mountainrunning #malonno #homeofmountainrunning #italia #inov8 #dreamersdisease #mountainrunningfamily 📸 @justinbritton

A post shared by Heidi Davies (@heididavies98) on Aug 6, 2018 at 6:26am PDT

( Pictures: Justin Britton / Alexis Courthoud / Damiano Benedetto / Marco Gulberti )

https://www.metropole.co.uk/

skopje story

1st July 2018
Skopje, Macedonia
European Mountain Running Championships

perhaps i should look back
and feel
crushing disappointment
dissatisfaction
at the way
my senior debut played out

well to an extent
yes
i do
i feel sad knowing
things could have
been different

but then
these downcast emotions
are drowned out
squashed down
by gratitude and honour
pinch me
this reality is real
pulling on the british vest
beside team mates
friends
second family
don't let me forget
i didn't ever expect
to be there

my heart feels so full
by the magic pull
this sport creates

be patient with the passion
grow
it'll all flow

believers
supporters
thank you
it means the world
and more

appreciate what was
what took place
learn
live like the mountains
accepting the ups
with the downs
no need to frown

there was much debate
over whether the statues were fake
knowing we participate
in something real
honest and pure
this family we create

emotions
tears in our eyes
old junior team mates
claiming their well deserved prize
goosebumps
all over the skin
oh what a tremendous
way to begin

start line adrenaline
countdown
bang the gun
athletes released
pounding feet 
steady rhythm
pulsing up the mountainside
streaming
one by one

through the dense woodland
a trip
stumble
over a root
grabbing limbs
preventing the fall
proceed and endure
a wave of motion
up up up
gaping mouths
gasping lungs
demanding air

unknown foreign insect
plants a sting
on the skin
quick
don't fuss
soon the downhill

fight with flight
down down down
loose rocks
crash-mats around trees
danger
shouts and cheers
you must
trust
adjust
lose your fears

sudden bad feeling
legs giving out
seized with cramp

one lap
flow
second lap
feel the pain grow

hold on
grit teeth
gasp
curse
push
pull
ow
ouch

battle with the mind
try to not let them catch
from behind

end in sight
finish of your plight

want nothing
but to collapse
dead weight on the floor
alas forbidden
have to move once more

arms tugged
hauled away
push pull
finally
the earth below
a hug of gratifying relief

coolness of water
ebbs like a stream
but what about
the rest of the team
3rd, 12th, 24th

wow
i am overwhelmed
with pain
with pride
with joy
manage to smile
we all fought so relentlessly
for every mile

team bronze
exhilaration
happiness
on their behalf
the pen
we all clasp
writing the script
of today

senior men
the italian dominance
their passion
mountain running pride
devotion
the olympic dream
flourishing 
thriving
and spreading strong
knowing where
this sport belongs

british men
another podium
everyone spent
the depths to which
they all went

delving deep
hanging on
rewarded
triumph and strength
fresh history
the union jack
medals for all
in our sack
god save
the queen

the inspiration
it's hard to explain

the feelings
ambiance
behind this sport
something you have to experience
yourself feel
to truly comprehend
understand just how real

this beauty
cherished
retained inside
hopping through winter
mountain moments
making healing easier

choosing gratitude
over grievance
trusting
with patience
finding strength
in the struggle
the doubts
fears
we all juggle

the pride
pain passion
smiles laughter
tears fears
screams shouts
doubts dreams
energy emotion

all this
on vodno mountain
on that day
the glory
another page
in our mountain running story

to be part
of this community
feeling the unity
together
the gifts to treasure
dreams beyond measure

the mountains
are moving
always
and us too
here
along this journey
alive
loving
living
then
now
and forever

growth is a process; still trusting, always learning 🦋 maybe it's not the way i wanted my senior debut to go but this sport continues to inspire, it has my heart ♥️ thank you to those who believe #crampinghell #painface #mountainrunningfamily #euroskopje2018 #dreamersdisease #chasingfairies #roadtomalonno

A post shared by Heidi Davies 🦉 (@heididavies98) on Jul 4, 2018 at 1:32pm PDT

https://www.metropole.co.uk/

https://www.inov-8.com/

light

Everything has changed and yet I am more myself than I have ever been. 

That's the thing about life, you don't expect certain things to happen and then suddenly you're stuck in a situation which “wouldn't ever happen to me”. You find it hard to see a way out. There was no way you could've planned for this. You don't know how it can ever be the same again.

But then almost as quickly as the darkness comes, you find the light. The black disappears. The sun shines again and you find yourself. Even with the thing that happened which wasn't supposed to. Even with the injury. Even if you can't run. I found myself as soon as I stopped looking. I found myself as soon as I realised I wasn't just a runner. I am a person. I am Heidi and this is just part of my story.

I started taking running pretty seriously when I was just eleven years old, a year seven starting high school. I became enthused with the sport. I had finally found something I felt I was destined to do. I loved the freedom it gave me. If I look back now the longest time I've gone without running since I was just eleven years old is probably just a week or maybe two.

Fast forward from my eleven year old self to August 2017. Nineteen year old Heidi, stepping off the plane back onto British soil with a head full of many more dreams after the most truly amazing experience out in Italy with the mountain running family. Little did she know that in two days time, it was to be her last proper run for just over five months.

Nevertheless those five months are months I'm actually very grateful to have experienced. I was able to find beauty in the struggle.

When I first got the news I was going to have to be on crutches my Dad sent me something which stuck: “Do not fear as you will return stronger. Do not forget all accomplished and a life transformed. Remember  you did not fail.” I read it and burst into tears. All I wanted was to be able to run again.

Gradually, it got better. Slowly I got better, physically and mentally. I came to terms with what I was facing. I came to terms with the fact that I couldn't run. I accepted it. I found other ways to fill my time, other ways to inspire me. Some days I missed running so so much, it felt like part of me wasn't in place like maybe half of me was missing. But if I'm going to be brutally honest, other days I honestly found I didn't miss running at all. I'd grown to love the other ways I was able to be me. I found who I was without running. I think I forgot what running felt like. That's why today, when I ran for the first time in five months, twenty five minutes with pain free steps, I could not take the smile off my face. I was running and I suddenly remembered why I loved it. It was honestly the greatest feeling.

TODAY THIS HAPPENED!!!!! I have no way to put this feeling into words... Only happiness, gratitude 💛 pic.twitter.com/NmTMIu7BVM

— Heidi Davies (@thepianorunner) 30 January 2018

I had missed the way running makes me feel. The feeling of being alive, out in the countryside with just your footsteps, your dreams and imagination for company. That flow, pure-state childlike wonder it gives you. The aliveness and energy. That was what I found I missed. Being able to pour myself into that. I'm so so grateful to have that back.

Not being able to run did cause me to fall apart a little yes, but then it was an opportunity to put myself back together and grow in other ways. An opportunity to be more.

I have rediscovered another love of mine, the piano. I've actually taken this one step further and become a peripatetic piano teacher. This is something I am truly enjoying. I love being able to help others to do and learn something they enjoy. It really is very rewarding and it's extremely heartwarming to be a part of someones' journey. Because that is what I have realised more than ever; everyone is on a journey. Sometimes in life, the path isn't so clear and you need a little helping hand from the people around you. Ultimately, everything is connected. It's through this connectivity to others, that we grow and flourish. People rise by lifting others after all. We are all connected. That's what makes us human. That's what makes life wonderful. I feel so full up right now.

I cannot thank the people around me enough who have helped me through the rocky past few months. You know who you are and your support means the world and more.
 

Photo courtesy of inov-8... the all new X-TALON

A dream, dancing again like a fairy… Now the reality, a runner again but I am also so much more…

Because I have lived without being able to run, I know I can live without being able to run. I can still be happy. It's all just a matter of perspective. I'm grateful to be alive, living this life with the best people around me. If you feel like you can make a tiny difference to even just one persons' life, then that is enough. We are all here, we all matter. Small differences add up. It all matters.

The dark times do come. They are in fact, inevitable. This is just a reminder to you that the light can be found. You are strong enough and you are brave enough. As you are. You are enough.

Life is huge. We shouldn't try to understand it. Just live it. Make the most of every moment and be insanely grateful.

Those that know me best know how much I love the cringe, but even I think that's enough cringe from me for one day. So for now all that's left to say is… yep you guessed it... keep dreaming…

Heidi x

Looking over towards The Skirrid, near Abergavenny with Dad behind the camera